omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
