I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
