doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
