Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
