if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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