when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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