margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
