You work out of a Hotel?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
