As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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