thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
