i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
