brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
