Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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