You smell like a Billy Joel song
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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