Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
