I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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