why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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