Bisexual people are plain selfish.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
