i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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