Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
