I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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