We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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