There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
