You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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