Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
