Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
