I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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