When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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