a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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