OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize