So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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