Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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