see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
