Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
