so let's talk penis.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
a search helicopter?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
