Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
