dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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