i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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