I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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