so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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