Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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