She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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