i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
