what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
