All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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