How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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