Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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