OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
