Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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