your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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