i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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