Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
