So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need a beard to bite.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
