we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
