I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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