i can't believe i had my finger in that
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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