Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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