I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
