i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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