dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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