I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
